Death to the leftovers!

We made it through Easter weekend, and I’m feeling a little worse for the wear.  I’ve had all the wrong attitude the last two or three days.  More or less, “this is it, this is the last, enjoy it while you can!”  And I’ve eaten everything in sight.

I made a pretty traditional Easter dinner, with a glazed ham, cheesy potatoes, fruity/cream cheesy salads, taco dip, cake, and even had a few beers on Easter.  It’s been a hodgepodge of leftovers in every combination and copious amounts of such.  I am ashamed to say I got up to pee at 2am and rather than brushing my teeth and going back to bed (I can’t stand mid-night mouth/morning breath/whatever), I gorged myself on the jell-o cake in the fridge and fell back to sleep.

The cheesy potatoes are gone, I’m all hammed out now, even the jell-o cake has lost its appeal.  But rather than behave myself, what did I do this morning, I ate two pieces of breakfast pizza.  It had turkey bacon and turkey sausage on it, but that doesn’t make up for the white flour crust, tons of cheese and gravy that is on it as sauce! I feel like a worthless blimp at the moment.

Lunch will be another story.  I’m certainly not hungry now, but come 1:00, I am sure I will be and I am having lunch with our receptionist today for our monthly gossip session. Sweet potato fries are my weakness.  Who am I kidding, food is my weakness!

Tomorrow is our catered lunch and after that, I can prepare for the big official weigh-in on Sunday.  I’m sure a few last hurrahs will make it in there – I have to say goodbye to greasy pizza and a few other bad-for-you favorites. 

The one thing I HAVE succeeded with is refraining from soda.  Diet soda, to be precise.  It’s been two days.  I had two energy drinks yesterday, but we’ll work on the caffeine habit later, right now it’s about knocking the aspartame.  (E-drinks are made with sucralose, which isn’t a lot better, but hasn’t been shown to cause cancer in lab rats, either.)

Lacy and I have been egging each other on, and while I have the advantage of having been down this road before and a few tricks up my sleeve, she has the advantage of actually liking things like vegetables…which, I can’t stand. But I guess I’m going to have to learn how to like them.  Is that even possible?

All I know is I don’t want more days of feeling disgustingly full and blimp-ish like I do today.  Ugh. This is bad!

A million (and one!) reasons to do this

I’ve come to the most horrid realization that my 10-year high school class reunion is coming up at this time next year. If coming face-to-face with all the tan and tawdry skinny bitches from back in the day isn’t motivation to shed some poundage, I don’t know what is!

Actually, there’s a lot of things that I want to accomplish by losing this weight that are a lot more important than showing up some meaningless bitches from high school (though, that will be a lovely bonus and I will relish every second of it).

Here’s a few of the things that I’d like to accomplish that are a little bit more than skin-deep. Things I will think about often and use to motivate me throughout this journey.

1.      I snore something wicked, and probably have sleep apnea.  Losing a significant amount of weight will resolve this issue.

2.      I have heart palpitations and am constantly afraid I am having a heart attack. Losing weight will quiet my mind and help this.

3.      I haven’t done Christmas cards with pictures or gone to family functions in a few years because I am afraid people are going to judge me.  If I lose weight I can be confident and enjoy being around my family again.

4.      My son is often left to fend for himself when it comes to playing outside. I rarely even take him to the park because it’s a) physically difficult and b) I feel like all the other mom’s are like, “Look at that fatty on the bench over there!”  Losing weight will help me do the things with my son that he deserves.

5.      I sweat all the time and it’s embarrassing as hell.  I use two kinds of deodorant at a time and I still sweat doing the most mundane things.  Losing weight will solve this problem.

6.      I am tired all the time. If I lose weight, quit lugging this excess fat around and become more active I will have more hours in my day to do the things I love and spend with the people I care about.

7.      I am embarrassed to add old friends to facebook and reconnect because I’m embarrassed I’ve let myself get so out of control.  If I lose weight I will have the opportunity to rekindle friendships and friends are something I sure could use!

8.      Sex will improve! It will be easier to maneuver and be all bendy in the ways that are necessary, I won’t be out of breath for any reason other than it feels good, and I’ll be able to actually see what’s going on down there!

9.      Kids learn by example and I’m not setting a very good one for my son.  If I lose weight and adopt a healthy, active lifestyle, Nathan will too!

10.  I have a lot of interests and ideas and I am an intelligent, social person.  If I lose the weight I would be more apt to go out and meet people, share ideas and indulge my interests – life would be a lot more fun.

The list is endless, but the point is, I have a million and a half reasons to do this and not a single good one not to!

I’ve really been struggling with the caffeine thing and it’s only Day 2.  One energy drink and one soda was my goal.  I’ve reached that already today and I feel like I could fall asleep! I’ve got to get some willpower! It’s Easter weekend and I’m not going to be too hard on myself.  I am exhausted mentally and I’ve been battling some wicked allergies  the last week or so.  I can’t wear any make up and Kleenex are my best friends. It’s going to be a weekend of getting my ducks in a row, celebrating Easter, and hopefully feeling better and ready to take on the world come Monday!

It's on like Donkey Kong!

I posed the Biggest Loser-style challenge to Lacy last night, and no surprise here, she accepted the challenge! We stepped on the scale for “fun” last night – I put that in quotes that because right now, the number on the scale is anything but fun –  and we’re actually pretty damn close.  We’re within about 5 pounds of one another, so it’s going to be a fairly level playing field in that respect.  She’s going down! Literally…and figuratively!

Our competitiveness got a kick start last night when she was poking fun at me for being pretty flexible for a fluffy chick.  (What? You can’t put your toes in your ears? I can!) I asked her to try, and she couldn’t even get close.  I laughed, and told her I’d be her slave for 10 minutes if she could sit on the floor, legs in a “V” and touch her forehead to the ground for 5 seconds.  Once again, not even close! I was victorious! I was basking in the afterglow until she challenged me double or nothing to a last man standing wall sit.   Lacy was a powerlifter in high school and has told me stories about doing wall sits for endless amounts of time… intimidated as I was, it was game on!  I could feel the burn but I wasn’t giving up.  Finally she said, “Oh shit, I’m going to lose, I can’t do this!” And about 15 seconds later she sank to the floor.  VICTORY was mine! 

I’m feeling pretty good, pretty confident with these minor victories behind me.  I’m also really out of shape and totally paying for it today.  Walking down the stairs was killer this morning! Pushing in my clutch in traffic today almost brought tears to my eyes.  It’s a sad state of existence, but just wait… Just give me a few months and it will be a whole nother story! On the other hand, at least I know I have muscles somewhere under that layer of fluff because they are definitely letting themselves be known today! Owww-ie!

On the left hand side of my page you’ll see I added a little feature called “Winnie Says…” and you’re probably like, “who the F is Winnie and what’s she got to say?”  Well, Winnie is my “care manager”.  That’s such an ugly term, makes me feel like I need a helmet and to get on the shortbus… Anyway, it’s not a big secret that I struggle with depression and anxiety. Winnie is part of a program (DIAMOND) through my doctor’s office that supplements my medical care and depression meds by being an intermediary between my doctor and I, and she has a consulting psychiatrist she works with as well, and it just helps keep my depression in check, my meds at the right dosages and helps me set goals to over come the areas I feel really overwhelmed in at the moment.  I talk to her via telephone on Thursday mornings.  I have turned down this program for years, but finally decided to give it a whirl, because, what’s the use of looking great on the outside if you’re still a mess on the inside? 

I frankly think some of it’s hokey.  Her stupid questionnaire I have to answer every time we talk is the most ridiculous thing.  “How many days last week did you have a poor appetite or overeat?”  Well, duh, all of them, I’m a fat girl! I ate more than my fair share every day, bitch! I think that some of her “goals” and ideas for me to do are plain old stupid and it makes me feel like I’m six again, but I’ve decided that I’m going to give this a go – I want to be well all the way around, she is a “professional” and my insurance is padding her pockets nicely, so we’ll see.  I’m only two weeks into it.  In six months if I think the DIAMOND program is a waste of my time and she’s full of poo, I can quit and no harm, no foul. Right? Right.

So that little box over there is full of her weekly suggestions for me. No matter how hokey and ridiculously stupid I think they are, I’m gonna put them out there and at least give it a more-than-half-hearted attempt at reaching those “goals” in addition to the ones I set for myself above.

I’m beginning to wean myself off of caffeine.  This should be a trip.  A regular old riot and a half.  I’ve had one Low Carb Monster this morning.  I’m on my first huge glass of water (I’m gonna pee a lot), and I’m going to try really, really, really hard to not have any soda or any more caffeine today.  I have a feeling I might have to give in and have a Diet Coke around dinner time because of the headache I will probably get, but this weekend I’m fully preparing myself mentally to go through caffeine withdrawal and just get it over with.

Wish me luck!

Lose or Lose! Either way, you still lose!

I’m a competitive person by nature, but I can take my ass when it’s handed to me.  My girlfriend on the other hand, however, is the single most competitive person I have ever met.  She simply does not like to lose.  She doesn’t lose often, but when she does, it’s not pretty.  Usually I get annoyed and stomp off screaming, “I’m never playing with you again!” Except this time… I think I finally see how this is going to be a positive thing!

We’re going out for our mini-anniversary dinner tonight and I’m going to issue her a challenge that I know she won’t be able to say no to.  I’m going to challenge her to lose weight with me, Biggest Loser style.  Well, sort of, except no one really gets eliminated and we’re already home, and don’t have Jillian Michaels in my living room, but you get the point.  If it’s a competition, she’ll be on board.  And I’m just sure enough of myself in this area to egg her on enough where I have a feeling it might get pretty fierce in our household!  At least that’s what I’m counting on happening, and knowing Lacy and her disdain for “not-winning”… I’m willing to bet she takes the bait and accepts the challenge.

We’ve got some pretty big stuff coming up, including Easter (cheesy potatoes!!!) and a catered luncheon (Mexican from Pepitos!) and a hodgepodge of crap at home to weed out of the cupboards.  It’s really too tempting to pass those things up when you are only a few days in to making changes.  Rather than get discouraged and give up, May 1 is looking pretty good for a starting point.  Especially if Miss Lacy accepts the challenge and is prepared to lose! or lose! (You get my point.)

That doesn’t mean I am going to squander away the week and a half I have in front of me.  No.  My goals for the 10 days leading up to May 1 are going to be taking little steps that will prepare me to kick it in to high gear.  I would like to mainly break my caffeine addiction, thereby eliminating both caffeine and artificial sweeteners from my diet all together.  I’m going to set up the Biggest Loser on Wii and track down that kick butt yoga DVD, too.  Clean out the cupboards and look for my big girl panties, so I can suck it up, put them on and DO THIS!